


Stay Close To Me

by starvonnie



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, More Hurt Than Comfort Though, Probably Both, either this ship is angsty, or i make it that way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8952157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starvonnie/pseuds/starvonnie
Summary: Rodimus is really feeling the burdens of leadership.  Megatron seeks to comfort him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Did I title this fic this way because I'm Yuri On Ice trash? You bet your ass I did

His shower had always felt so nice.  The water pressure was always perfect, and it was about the only washracks he'd ever been in that he could get the knob to that perfect temperature.  But today he couldn't find that sweet spot.  The water hammered down on his frame like hail.  The weight of everything had just become too much for him and he sank down to the floor.  He didn't even bother to turn the water off.  It wouldn't change the ache in his chest.

He sat there for so long that the lights went out.  The darkness just made him feel more isolated.  But maybe that was a good thing.  He shouldn't be around people.

A sudden wash of light from the door hit his frame and he shielded his optics.  His movement turned the lights back on, and he felt very exposed as he quickly got to his pedes.  Hopefully he hadn't seen the extent of it.

"Oh, uh, hey, Megs."  Rodimus slapped a smile on.  He found it particularly hard to do it then.  His lips shook from the effort.  "Damn lights never want to stay on.  We should really get someone to fix them."

Megatron just stood in the entrance, taking it up entirely with his large frame.

"I'm just about done if you need the shower.  Just gotta... wash my face."  He turns towards the wall, letting the water run down his face.  He could let his smile fall then.  Under the burning stream. 

Rodimus didn't turn when he heard Megatron's heavy pedesteps approaching.  It was a little weird that he was just watching him, but he wasn't going to stop him.

"I'm almost done," he promised.  "Just wait out in the room and--"

Megatron hugged him from behind.  Burying his face into Rodimus' neck.

"You've been in here for over an hour," Megatron murmured.  "Please talk to me, Rodimus.  Don't push me away."

"I'm just... really dirty," Rodimus lied, poorly.  He hoped his shaking would be mistaken for the water.

"You can't lie to me, Rodimus.  I know you too well."  Megatron hugged him tighter.  "You can always confide in me.  About anything.  I want to help you."

"There's nothing to help."  Rodimus shut off the water and wriggled out of Megatron's grip.  He was about to grab a towel when Megatron's hand engulfed his.

"Let me dry you off, at least," Megatron said.  "Let me take care of you."

Rodimus wanted to argue with him.  Tell him there was no reason for him to need to do this.  But the heaviness of his limbs remained.  All his frame had the energy to do was lay down and sleep for a day.  So, he let his hand and gaze fall and stood there as he let him dry him off.

"Thank you, Rodimus," Megatron murmured as he dried. 

Rodimus was glad to have him do this.  One, because he was far more tired than he had realized, and two, because Megatron was gentle with him.  Something Rodimus didn't think he could be right then.

Once he was finished, Megatron wrapped the towel around Rodimus' frame and paused a moment before picking him up.  His optics swept up to Rodimus', a silent question in them, and he waited until he saw his conjunx's little nod before sweeping him up into his arms.  He cradled him to his chest and left a kiss on his forehelm before he started to walk.

He really did know him well.  He knew this was one of his favourite places to be.  Nothing could harm him, nor would it be sensible to try, as long as Megatron held him.  He felt warm and safe.

"Will you talk to me now?" Megatron asked again as he sat down on their berth, scooting up it until his back was resting against the headboard. 

Rodimus sighed.  "It's dumb."

"If it's causing you this much pain, it must be important."

Rodimus' next sigh was more harsh.  "It's not even, like, a _thing_ , y'know?  It's just a general feeling that crops up sometimes."  He hid his face against Megatron's chest.  "I'll get over it eventually."

"Or we could discuss what's upsetting you and work on it never coming back," Megatron suggested.  Primus, if only it were that simple.

"I just..."  Rodimus traced the spirals on Megatron's chest.  It did wonders to calm him.  Following that same familiar pattern.  One that meant home, safety, and love.  He was one of the few, perhaps the only one, who would understand how he felt.  "I feel like I've failed the crew.  I just keep making mistake after mistake and I'm _trying_ to do the right thing but everything I do always ends in disaster!" 

"I know that I've told you this before, but I'll say it again: a leader has to make the hard choices.  Sometimes, there is no right answer.  Sometimes you will make mistakes.  It's all part of the job."  Megatron stroked his back.  Another comfort.  "I know it isn't easy.  I still find it to be difficult."

"But you're a great leader!  I mean, you're _Megatron_!  Even if... y'know... you still had to lead people.  And you did it for four million years.  I haven't been in command of the Lost Light for even a fraction of that time.  And now you're here, too, so clearly Optimus doesn't think I'm even good at it!"

"You know as well as I that I'm here so they can keep an optic on me.  It in no way reflects your merit as a leader."  Megatron kissed his forehelm.  "And he may seem wise, but Optimus makes mistakes, too.  He should have known how appointing me as captain would have made you felt."

"I'm glad he did, though," Rodimus said quietly.  "You're much better at the job than I ever was.  I did need help.  I just didn't want to admit it."

"There's nothing wrong with needing help, Rodimus."  With a caress up his chin, Megatron coaxed Rodimus into looking at him.  "But you are far too hard on yourself.  You always do what you think is best for the crew.  What more could they ask for?"

"A better mortality rate?"  Rodimus didn't meet Megatron's gaze as he said that.

Megatron sighed.  Not a frustrated one, but right then it was hard for Rodimus to hear anything else.  "It can be hard to live with yourself after your actions have lead to another's death."  Megatron stroked Rodimus' cheek.  "I know that better than anyone."

Rodimus looked at Megatron then.  Saw the haunted look in his optics. 

"You need to be able to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, Rodimus," Megatron pleaded with him.  "How can you expect to learn from them if you continue to dwell on them?"

"I dunno..." Rodimus admitted.  Of course it didn't make sense, but he couldn't just ignore them, could he?

"Accept that what has happened cannot be changed," Megatron told him.  "Recognize when you are travelling down that same path and take another.  It won't be easy.  It's never easy.  But you must be open to learning and growing if you ever hope to be a great leader."

"See, that just makes me think I'm not cut out to be a leader," Rodimus said pitifully.

"My Sun..."  Megatron held him close.  "You shine so brightly, and yet you cannot see it."

"Stop calling me that."  The words chafed like sand on his throat.  "It's not... _I'm_ not..."  Shivering, Rodimus hid his face against Megatron's chest.  

"If you truly wish for me to stop calling you that, I will, of course, oblige you.  But I fear your wish stems from lies you have told yourself."  Megatron let his helm come to rest atop Rodimus'.  "You are more than worthy of such a title."

"Why are you so nice to me?" Rodimus whispered against his chest.

"Because you are deserving of my kindness.  Because I see your potential, even if you do not.  Because I love you, Rodimus of Nyon.  And I will love you even if you make a mistake.  Even if you make a thousand mistakes.  I will be there by your side.  Because I know what you are capable of, and I know that you will rise, even when all hope seems lost."  Megatron cupped Rodimus' cheek, his thumb making soothing strokes across along the flare.  "I am nice to you, because you have deemed yourself unworthy of your own kindness.  And not a day goes by where I don't wish that you could see yourself through my optics."

Rodimus was quiet for a long while.  He lifted his helm just a little before he spoke, but his optics stayed on Megatron's chest.  "I do wish I could stop feeling like this.  It's just so hard."

"I know, my Sun.  It's alright to feel this way.  It is when you let yourself succumb to it that it becomes a problem."  Megatron sighed.  "I wish I could show you how I felt at the beginning of the war.  I was terrified.  I was unsure of myself.  I've lead countless bots to their deaths...  The point I'm trying to make is that you and I are not so different, and I will be there by your side to help guide you, if you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you," Rodimus whispered.  "I didn't become conjunx with you to spend _less_ time with you."  He managed a smile then.  A small one, fuelled by humour.  Humour helped.

Megatron chuckled.  "I think a distraction is in order, don't you?"

"What did you have in mind?" Rodimus asked, perking up just a little.

"A movie perhaps?" Megatron suggested. 

Rodimus nodded.  "I'd like that."


End file.
